My Introduction

Hello,

Welcome to Lolita's Seduction.

I felt the need to find a place where I could explore the endless boundaries of sex and my limitations within it. In here, I'll describe some of my experiences, my opinions and views on sex, and what happens as I grow sexually. This is not a pornography outlet. While some of my entries may be explicit, I'll be writing them to reflect upon and maybe learn from. If you feel the need to, er, satisfy yourself, go ahead. I won't judge. However, please do not turn my blog into your own personal porn site. I'll be sure to use as many technical terms as I can to avoid that, ha.

I chose the name Lolita's Seduction for a few reasons. Nabokov's Lolita has engraved in me my outlook on sex. I read it at an impressionable teenage age and it has stuck with me since then. While it may be a gruesome story about a horny old man who imprisons a young girl to rape over and over again, its meaning and message lies further beneath the surface. It tells the story of a young girl who gets thrown into an adult world and can't seem to break out of it, being entrapped by Humbert. At first she naively seduces him; it's a new concept to her, special attention being given to her. Naturally, she's drawn to this adult behavior. After he turns her into his twisted fantasy, she realizes what she has done and starts to evade him, but since she cannot escape, she goes back to him over and over again. She becomes trapped in something she does not want but it has somehow become the only source of protection for her.

To me, the story of Lolita displays sex in two ways: an incredibly intimate personal act, affecting every emotion in one's body; as well as a cold act of one's own desires, disregarding the feelings of others. The idea of a single human act encompassing both ends of the emotional spectrum was mind-boggling to me. I couldn't grasp it. I have had my own experiences by then, but couldn't attribute my encounters to the ideas being presented in Lolita. That's when I realized I have remained impersonal about sex up until then. To me, having sex was an assumed part of a relationship. It didn't matter that I was still in high school; and it didn't register that sex should have been a little bit of a bigger deal. To me, sex was no more important than just kissing a guy on the lips. For sex to have all these nuances, these effects on my emotions, a play on my state-of-being, it was a concept I never knew.

Since then, I have started looking at sex with a keener eye. With my boyfriend, I have come to understand that reaching the point where sex was a part of a solid relationship was reaching maturity. I learned that sex affected the state of our relationship. I can see how it can be used as a weapon and have realized that in the past, it was exactly how I used it. Now, I want to explore the softer side of sex. I want to discover everything it has to offer.

Sexuality can be a very adult concept. It can trap you, it can build pressure and raise standards and create expectations. It can play with emotions and leave one ragged. It can buoy a person up, helping to change their outlook on their self esteem and generally, the world. It can be a weapon, a punishment; or it can be a reward, a pleasure. Even though it is "adult" it can transcend age and barriers. Sex is incredibly malleable. It can be described in so many ways with so many different tones. Its secrecy is incredibly seductive. It draws people and creates curiosity. One of the ultimate taboo subjects, it is ever present in our society yet so unexplained and under-discussed among ourselves.

I'm not trying to create a revolution. Is there a point I'm trying to prove? Not really. This blog is for me to analyze my journey through my sex life. Recalling my past encounters and seeing how it shapes me to be who I am now. I dream of sexual scenarios that I can barely bring myself to describe to my boyfriend. My fantasies aren't incriminating or heinous; but they make me blush. I need to break through that and stand up and be proud of my sexuality. In bed, I become self conscious and frightened of looking stupid. Especially since my boyfriend, being significantly older than me, has a vast amount of experience under his belt with an equally vast number of girls. He loves me more than love itself and never compares me to anyone, but I just can't bring myself to let go of my inhibitions.

I am a beautiful girl, brunette, brown hair, cute little compact girl who can probably fit in a locker if she tried. I have no reason to be self conscious. And let me tell you, I have a damn good-looking waist and ass. Despite all that, my self esteem is low. It has a huge impact on my comfort level in sex. As a result, I firmly remain attached to the tried and true techniques of positions that has become familiar to me. Anything new sends me into a cold sweat. However here, I am going to be as vulnerable as possible. I am going to be excruciatingly honest and embarrassingly candid. Perhaps, this will be the therapy I need to break my barrier into a world of wild, uninhibited sex beyond my most lurid fantasies.