Cumming Home

Going to see my boyfriend in about an hour and a half. I think I'm going to wear a black corset under a loose sweater and some mad heels. He's going to be so happy to be back home.

Ode to Perverts

I'm fascinated by the intrinsics of sex. How sex works: physically, psychologically, and emotionally. How different positions can be created and satisfy in varying ways. How people feel about it. Why it's a taboo subject sometimes and a wonderfully liberating topic to discuss about other times.

I love how it encompasses our well-being. How it can affect our relationship with not only our partners, but as well as our children, our parents, and our friends and acquaintances. It's interesting to consider that without sex, we wouldn't be here, yet any reference to it is banned in certain areas. Television, workplaces, religion; they all have varying levels of disapproval of sex. However, who could come to church and listen to a sermon, who can come up with a break-through idea at work, or star in a popular sit-com if it weren't for the so-called implied "torrid" act of sex?

I feel that we should all be more open and more opinionated about sex. We should be able to exchange ideas and tips publicly. We should face the topic head-on and accept it for what it is: a natural act in our lives.

Reading Bonk: the Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach, I come across the concept that if one were to dedicate their work to analyzing sex in any way, they are instantly considered a pervert. Yes, sex occurs behind closed doors (most of the time,) and it is an incredibly intimate act. However, it is one of the things in life that bonds every single person completely. We all have sex in common. If writing a blog about my opinions on sex makes me a pervert; then, it makes you a pervert for reading it, it makes my mother a pervert for raising a young lady like me, it makes my boyfriend a pervert for being the one having sex with me and spurring my thoughts on this subject. Oh look, we're all perverts.

Or maybe we're just normal.

Cherry Bomb

Can't seem to go to sleep. I spent all day thinking about the guy I lost my virginity to. It's hard to avoid him seeing how he lives five houses away from me. We're on amicable terms though, waving at each other whenever we drive by. However, I think I kind of miss him.

Let me make one thing clear, despite the fact I lost my virginity at age fifteen (fourteen for him,) I do not, under any circumstance, regret it one bit. I couldn't have picked a better person to lose it to. He was my best friend and I knew I could trust him completely.

Too bad though, when you're that young, just in junior high, you're wide open for changes. He found some friends I couldn't get along with and that created a rift between us. Actually, a month ago, he somehow got my cell phone number and apologized to me for what happened five years ago. It made me feel so good. Now, I just want to be his friend again, catch up, find out what he's up to. And besides, he could be a source for cigarettes for whenever I get wound up from a conversation with my boyfriend.

The first time we had sex, I can't tell you how humiliating it was. We were watching Pretty Woman in his bedroom, lying on his waterbed. A waterbed for Christ's sakes! Have you ever had sex in a waterbed? It's tough even when you're experienced. It literally took us like a half hour to figure out how everything worked. Once we managed to get it all in and situated, it was kind of... over. Oh the joys of adolescence.

Apparently, the next day, I walked differently. My friend instantly knew something happened and practically announced it to the entire hallway at school. Gee, thanks. I also somehow managed to keep it a secret from my best friend (she would have never, ever approved) for a year before she realized just why I loved watching Sex and the City so much.

And now, we're reduced to waving at each other from our cars. Oh well.

Dry Plains

Experiencing a drought right now. My boyfriend has been out of town for the past two weeks, still out of town for another one. Not to mention, I only got to see him for three days before he left since he was out of town for a month before that. On top of that, he threw his back out. Let me just say the play between the sheets was more cautious than, say, detonating a bomb. I feel like something is missing. Granted, I miss my boyfriend, even though we just got into another fight... again.

Our sex life is great though. So different from what I'm used to. I've only really been with either virgins or teenage boys who really don't know what they're doing. So along comes this guy who's so much older and more experienced than me; of course the sex is different! And he definitely knows where my clit is. One day, I'll have to tell you just how well he can use his tongue.

Until then, I'm making friends with my vibrator.

Hollywood Sex

Ever wonder if a steamy shower scene is plausible. Have you ever tried it? Did you slip on a bar of soap and end up in the hospital for throwing out your back? What about sex in the woods. Being one with nature and treating those mosquitoes to a family buffet on your butt. Tree bark is not soft and fuzzy. In fact, it's teaming with ants and mites just crawling up and down the trunk. Wanna get it on? Here's a better one: wooden staircases. Boy meets girl. Boy decides girl is hot. Boy takes girl to staircase. They get it on. Girl throws back out... again. ER room triage nurse: "Crazy Sex Girl is back!"

Do you see what I'm getting at? Hollywood sex is fake. And very painful. Unfortunately, unsuspecting innocent couples watch these hot sex scenes then decide, "Hey, we can do that!" This is why ER rooms are crowded. Ever wonder what he really means when he explains, "Oh I... just... dropped her on her head because we were... nailing a picture to the wall." Emphasis on "nailing."

Can a whole sex encounter last thirty seconds on a piano without a visit to the chiropractor the next day? Can someone go five and a half hours in a hot tub? Does everyone look all pretty and glowy and not sweaty at all going at it in bed? Do all girls need big fake boobs and small non-existent butts and thighs? Is doing it next to a factory building sexy? Or even the railroad tracks? Whaaaat?

What about the standards that everyone have seemed to internalized? Sex is supposed to be steamy, passionate, crazy, kinky, short, long, orgasmic, you name it, they filmed it. It creates a pressure on relationship, on performance, on expectations. Now, every women out there believes that other women do kinky, dominatrix type action in bed and they're the only one too afraid to try. Every guy out there believes that when sex doesn't last thirty seconds, but instead, four hours, that they're supposed to keep it up that long too.

And what about those "ideal expectations" we have come to idealize? How should a woman be beautiful? She should be tall, skinny, and more often than not, blonde. How should a man be attractive? Six pack, strong arms, and smoldering, dark eyes. Men should always know exactly the right things to say. They should always know the correct compliments to lavish on a woman. The seduction dance should be sexy and steaming, causing the two people to fall into bed instantly. Women should know how to strip correctly. They should be willing to indulge in men's kinkiest fantasies. (Which tends to lead the couple right back to the ER. Maybe that's why medical dramas are so popular.) And awkwardness... the curse of the first-time sex dance... is a censored word. Awkwardness, in the world of Hollywood, does not exist. Because everyone knows exactly what to do.

Which is not true! Honestly, we're pretty dumb people when it comes to being between the sheets. We barely know what we want, much less what the other person wants. We're going to accidentally step on painful body parts. We're going to fall off the bed at one point or another. Maybe, we'll even have a horrific experience one night with a date; and no, it will not be funny in a Bridget Jone's way.

What do you think? Have you ever considered how movies and tv shows have influenced the way we think about sex? How it has an effect on our expectations? The media can be an extremely powerful thing. It has to be if it can shape our way of thinking with such an intimate thing.

I'm writing a research paper on the effects of Hollywood's exhibition of sex on intimacy in real relationship. I would love your opinions and may use them in my paper if you don't mind. If you don't want to comment, you can message. Don't worry about being embarrassed. I'm writing about sex in school for Christ's sake!

Thanks for reading!

My Introduction

Hello,

Welcome to Lolita's Seduction.

I felt the need to find a place where I could explore the endless boundaries of sex and my limitations within it. In here, I'll describe some of my experiences, my opinions and views on sex, and what happens as I grow sexually. This is not a pornography outlet. While some of my entries may be explicit, I'll be writing them to reflect upon and maybe learn from. If you feel the need to, er, satisfy yourself, go ahead. I won't judge. However, please do not turn my blog into your own personal porn site. I'll be sure to use as many technical terms as I can to avoid that, ha.

I chose the name Lolita's Seduction for a few reasons. Nabokov's Lolita has engraved in me my outlook on sex. I read it at an impressionable teenage age and it has stuck with me since then. While it may be a gruesome story about a horny old man who imprisons a young girl to rape over and over again, its meaning and message lies further beneath the surface. It tells the story of a young girl who gets thrown into an adult world and can't seem to break out of it, being entrapped by Humbert. At first she naively seduces him; it's a new concept to her, special attention being given to her. Naturally, she's drawn to this adult behavior. After he turns her into his twisted fantasy, she realizes what she has done and starts to evade him, but since she cannot escape, she goes back to him over and over again. She becomes trapped in something she does not want but it has somehow become the only source of protection for her.

To me, the story of Lolita displays sex in two ways: an incredibly intimate personal act, affecting every emotion in one's body; as well as a cold act of one's own desires, disregarding the feelings of others. The idea of a single human act encompassing both ends of the emotional spectrum was mind-boggling to me. I couldn't grasp it. I have had my own experiences by then, but couldn't attribute my encounters to the ideas being presented in Lolita. That's when I realized I have remained impersonal about sex up until then. To me, having sex was an assumed part of a relationship. It didn't matter that I was still in high school; and it didn't register that sex should have been a little bit of a bigger deal. To me, sex was no more important than just kissing a guy on the lips. For sex to have all these nuances, these effects on my emotions, a play on my state-of-being, it was a concept I never knew.

Since then, I have started looking at sex with a keener eye. With my boyfriend, I have come to understand that reaching the point where sex was a part of a solid relationship was reaching maturity. I learned that sex affected the state of our relationship. I can see how it can be used as a weapon and have realized that in the past, it was exactly how I used it. Now, I want to explore the softer side of sex. I want to discover everything it has to offer.

Sexuality can be a very adult concept. It can trap you, it can build pressure and raise standards and create expectations. It can play with emotions and leave one ragged. It can buoy a person up, helping to change their outlook on their self esteem and generally, the world. It can be a weapon, a punishment; or it can be a reward, a pleasure. Even though it is "adult" it can transcend age and barriers. Sex is incredibly malleable. It can be described in so many ways with so many different tones. Its secrecy is incredibly seductive. It draws people and creates curiosity. One of the ultimate taboo subjects, it is ever present in our society yet so unexplained and under-discussed among ourselves.

I'm not trying to create a revolution. Is there a point I'm trying to prove? Not really. This blog is for me to analyze my journey through my sex life. Recalling my past encounters and seeing how it shapes me to be who I am now. I dream of sexual scenarios that I can barely bring myself to describe to my boyfriend. My fantasies aren't incriminating or heinous; but they make me blush. I need to break through that and stand up and be proud of my sexuality. In bed, I become self conscious and frightened of looking stupid. Especially since my boyfriend, being significantly older than me, has a vast amount of experience under his belt with an equally vast number of girls. He loves me more than love itself and never compares me to anyone, but I just can't bring myself to let go of my inhibitions.

I am a beautiful girl, brunette, brown hair, cute little compact girl who can probably fit in a locker if she tried. I have no reason to be self conscious. And let me tell you, I have a damn good-looking waist and ass. Despite all that, my self esteem is low. It has a huge impact on my comfort level in sex. As a result, I firmly remain attached to the tried and true techniques of positions that has become familiar to me. Anything new sends me into a cold sweat. However here, I am going to be as vulnerable as possible. I am going to be excruciatingly honest and embarrassingly candid. Perhaps, this will be the therapy I need to break my barrier into a world of wild, uninhibited sex beyond my most lurid fantasies.